My dear child,
The marriage and the marital act are for conceive children only, not for pleasure purpose. The modern world teaches otherwise. Listen to God instead. Read the Holy Bible and learn from the lives of the saints and from the old tradition of the Church! Be chaste, before and inside the marriage.
Read what this text says:
When
and how the marital act should be performed
The
way to perfection regarding the marital act is that spouses only
perform the act with the sole intention and hope of conceiving
children. That means spouses are to be chaste during the monthly
infertile period of the woman and when she is pregnant. We read in
the Old Testament that God had forbidden the marital act during the
infertile monthly cycle of the woman: “The woman, who at the
return of the month, hath her issue of blood, shall be separated
seven days.” (Leviticus
15:19) Haydock commentary explains: “Days, not
only out of the camp, but from the company of men.” As soon
as a woman showed signs of infertility (menstruation), intercourse
would cease until the cessation of the flow of blood and she became
fertile again: “Thou shalt not approach to a woman having
her flowers: neither shalt thou uncover her nakedness.”
(Leviticus 18:19) Haydock commentary: “Saint
Augustine believes that this law is still in force. [On Lev. 20:18]
This intemperance was by a positive law declared a mortal offense of
the Jews.” This clearly
shows us that God does not want spouses to perform the marital act
during this time.
To
abstain from sexual intercourse during a woman’s menstrual
period or pregnancy and subsequent restricted days has all but been
ignored by most of today’s people. Observing the period of
restriction for sexual activity not only diminishes sexual sins and
temptations, but it also places a woman into her fertile period when
it is most beneficial for conception to occur. This helps to fulfill
the initial command of God to “be fruitful and multiply,”
a command that is clearly not being observed today by many people.
Good
husbands and wives do not have sexual relations whenever their
unbridled lust desires it, but only at times prescribed for this
purpose and when it is necessary. The guide of good and pious
husbands and wives are thus their conscience and reason instead of
their selfish and unbridled lusts. In the book of Ecclesiastes, this
concept is eloquently explained to us in the following way:
“All things
have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven. A
time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant, and a time to
pluck up that which is planted. A time to kill, and a time to heal. A
time to destroy, and a time to build. A time to weep, and a time to
laugh. A time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to scatter
stones, and a time to gather. A time to embrace, and a time to
be far from embraces.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-5)
The
phrase “A time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces”
refers to the marital act. Haydock Commentary: “Ver. 5.
Embraces. Continence was sometimes prescribed to
married people, Leviticus xx. 18., and 1 Corinthians vii. (St.
Jerome) (St. Augustine, Enchiridion 78.) (Calmet).” This
shows that the marital act must sometimes be abstained from
altogether and not engaged in everyday as the evil and immoral world
teaches. As said already, one of the reasons for abstaining from the
marital act is in order to cultivate virtue and chastity. This is
important to do from time to time, for people who have sex often are
more likely to become enslaved by this pleasure and fall into sexual
sin.
Indeed,
The Catechism of the Council of Trent,
in the section “Married Persons should sometimes
abstain from the Marriage Debt”
explains that this is a “holy injunction of our
Fathers”: “But as all blessings are to be obtained
from God by holy prayer, the faithful are also to be taught sometimes
to abstain from the marriage debt, in order to devote themselves to
prayer and supplication to God. This religious continence, according
to the proper and holy injunction of our Fathers, they should know is
to be observed in particular for at least three days previous to
receiving the holy Eucharist, and oftener during the solemn Fast of
Lent; for thus will they find the blessings themselves of marriage
augmented by a daily increasing accumulation of divine grace; and
living in the pursuit and practice of piety, they will not only spend
this life tranquilly and placidly, but will also rest on the true and
firm hope, which "confoundeth not" (Romans 5:5), of
attaining, through the goodness of God, life eternal.”
People who never try to
control their lust and that let their temptations roam freely—indulging
in it whenever it pleases them—have in fact allowed their lust to become
their “fix” or “high”. People who act in this way have become
worshipers of a fleeting fleshly pleasure and grown attached to it. Such
people must be very careful about themselves, for whenever they die and
are called before the throne of Our Lord Jesus Christ, their eternal
destiny will be decided based on what they loved more in this life: Our
Lord and His Love, or themselves and their unbridled, selfish lust. If
they loved themselves and their lust more than they loved the Lord, they
will not be saved. Only in Hell will many spouses regret that they
never thought of controlling their lust or that they never had relations
at proper times or at proper seasons.
We can read the following interesting points about proper marital relations in St.
Bridget’s Revelations, Book 5. This book is rightly entitled the “Book
of Questions” because it proceeds by way of questions to which our Lord
Jesus Christ gives wonderful answers.
St. Bridget’s
Revelations, Book 5,
Interrogation 5: “[A monk and theologian of high learning asked
our Lord Jesus Christ in a vision:] Fourth question.
Why did you give men and women the seed of intercourse and a sexual
nature, if the seed is not to be spilled according to the carnal
appetite?
“Answer to
the fourth question. “I [Jesus] gave them the seed of
intercourse so that it might germinate at the right place and
in the right way and bear fruit for a just and rational cause.”
If
one of the spouses is incontinent and want to gratify his lust often
and unreasonably, then it is the incontinent spouse that is sinning
while demanding the debt.
St. Thomas Aquinas,
Summa Theologica, Supplement, Q. 64, Art. 9, Reply to
Objection 1: “As far as he is concerned he does not consent,
but grants unwillingly and with grief [the marital debt on a holy
day] that which is exacted of him; and consequently he does not sin.
For it is ordained by God, on account of the weakness of the flesh,
that the debt must always be paid to the one who asks lest he be
afforded an occasion of sin.”
So
long as the other spouse’s intention is not to live a lustful
life, he or she will be excused from any possible sin of incontinence
and lust that the incontinent spouse will make himself guilty of.
That is not to say, however, that the spouse should not to try to
persuade the other partner from sin or from seeking to overindulge in
sexual pleasure. On the contrary, Our Lord and His Church demands
that good husbands and wives should do their utmost in deterring
their respective partner from sin.
Pope Pius XI, Casti
Connubii (# 59), Dec. 31, 1930: “Holy Church knows well
that not infrequently one of the parties is sinned against rather
than sinning, when for a grave cause he or she reluctantly allows the
perversion of the right order. In such a case, there is no sin,
provided that, mindful of the law of charity, he or she does not
neglect to seek to dissuade and to deter the
partner from sin.”
A
spouse who is obstinate in sexual sins like Onanism or masturbation
etc., must of course be hindered from committing this sin as far as
one is able to hinder him or her. A spouse must do all in his or her
power to hinder sexual sins from being committed, and must obviously
end marital relations until the sinful spouse agrees to stop
committing this sin. If a spouse continues to perform the marital act
with a person who is obstinate in committing sexual sin, this deed
will undoubtedly make such a spouse an accomplice in this sexual sin,
and as such, will make him or her lose his soul along with the one
actually committing the sin, since, if the spouse was really against
this sin, he or she would not allow it to happen or give an occasion
for it to occur, unless the spouse beforehand had repented and
promised not to commit this sin again. It also frequently happens
that although one of the spouses may indeed object to the sexual sins
that are committed by an evil spouse, he or she nonetheless does not
resist this sin properly, or even at all, and even finds pleasure in
it. One cannot of course truly be against a sin unless one fully
resists it and fights against it. Otherwise it is a sign that one has
an inclination to this sin.
“The union,
then, of male and female for the purpose of procreation is the
natural good of marriage. But he makes a bad use of this good who
uses it bestially, so that his intention is on the gratification of
lust, instead of the desire of offspring.” (St. Augustine,
On Marriage and Concupiscence, Book I, Chapter 5.--The Natural
Good of Marriage, A.D. 419)
Not
only is it more beneficial for couples to minimize the amount of sex
they have, but people who reserve sex for marriage enjoy greater
stability and communication in their relationships. A new scientific
study published in the American Psychological Association’s
Journal of Family Psychology found that those couples who waited
until marriage rated their relationship stability 22 percent higher
than those who started having sex (fornication) in the early part of
their relationship. The relationship satisfaction was 20 percent
higher for those who waited, and communication was 12 percent better.
This evidence shows us, once again, how sexual abstinence allows
people to be free from the influence of the demon Asmodeus, who have
been given permission by God to cause troubles for those men and
women who are not virtuous or chaste. Couples that became sexually
involved later in their relationship – but prior to marriage –
reported benefits that were about half as strong as those who waited
for marriage.
“Most
research on the topic is focused on individuals’ experiences
and not the timing within a relationship,” said lead study
author Dean Busby, a professor in Brigham Young University’s
School of Family Life. “There’s more to a relationship
than sex, but we did find that those who waited longer were
happier...” Busby added. “I think it’s because
they’ve learned to talk and have the skills to work with issues
that come up.”
Sociologist Mark
Regnerus of the University of Texas at Austin, who was not involved
in the study, responded to its findings, saying that “couples
who hit the honeymoon too early – that is, prioritize sex
promptly at the outset of a relationship – often find their
relationships underdeveloped when it comes to the qualities that make
relationships stable and spouses reliable and trustworthy.”
Because religious belief often plays a role for couples who choose to
wait, Busby and his co-authors controlled for the influence of
religious involvement in their analysis. “Regardless of
religiosity, waiting helps the relationship form better communication
processes, and these help improve long-term stability and
relationship satisfaction,” Busby said.
All this, of course,
once again shows us the good effects and inherent goodness of a pure,
virtuous, and chaste lifestyle. “Marriage,
therefore, is a good in all the things which are proper to the
married state. … In respect of its ordination for generation
the Scripture says, "I will therefore that the younger women
marry, bear children, guide the house;" [1
Tim. 5:14]…
For,
inasmuch as the wedded state is good, insomuch does it produce a very
large amount of good in respect of the evil of concupiscence; for
it is not lust, but reason, which makes a good use of concupiscence.
Now lust lies in that law of the "disobedient" members
which the apostle notes as "warring against the law of the
mind;" [Rom.
7:23]
whereas reason lies in that law of the wedded state which makes good
use of concupiscence [for the procreation of children].” (St.
Augustine, On
the Grace of Christ, and on Original Sin,
A.D. 418)
St.
Clement of Alexandria, On Marriage (c. 198 A.D.): “To be
subjected, then, to the passions, and to yield to them, is the
extremest slavery; as to keep them in subjection is the only liberty.
The divine Scripture accordingly says, that those who have
transgressed the commandments are sold to strangers, that is, to sins
alien to nature, till they return and repent. Marriage, then, as a
sacred image, must be kept pure from those things which defile it. We
are to rise from our slumbers with the Lord, and retire to sleep with
thanksgiving and prayer, "Both when you sleep, and when the holy
light comes," confessing the Lord in our whole life; possessing
piety in the soul, and extending self-control to the body. For it is
pleasing to God to lead decorum from the tongue to our actions.
Filthy speech is the way to effrontery; and the end of both is filthy
conduct.” (The
Stromata
or Miscellanies,
Book II, Chapter XXIII)
The
Blessed Virgin Mary revealed to St. Bridget that her virtuous
parents, St. Anna and St. Joachim, were united in the marital act in
a perfect way and without any lust or will to please their own flesh,
and the consequence of this virtuous act was that it produced the
most perfect human that have ever lived after our Lord: Our Blessed
Lady.
Our Lady spoke
about her parents, saying: “He united my father and mother
in a marriage so chaste that there could not be found a more chaste
marriage at that time. They
never wanted to come together except in accordance with the Law, and
only then with the intention to bring forth offspring.
When an angel revealed to them that they would give birth to the
Virgin from whom the salvation of the world would come, they
would rather have died than to come together in carnal love; lust
was dead in them. I
assure you that when they did come together, it was because of divine
love and because of the angel’s message, not out of carnal
desire, but against their will and out of a holy love for God.
In this way, my flesh was put together by their seed and through
divine love.” (St. Bridget’s Revelations, Book 1,
Chapter 9)
God wants all
spouses to pray to Him before the marital act to protect them and
keep them from sinning
It is clear from the
Bible and the Saints that spouses who wish to be perfect should pray
to God and ask Him to keep them from sinning during the marital act
as well as that He may grant them offspring to the honor and glory of
His Holy name, if this is His will; and that He might minimize the
amount of pleasure they will feel, so that they may not grow attached
to it. God might grant this prayer to a couple if they so desire, but
if they are not granted this gift (the minimizing of pleasure or the
begetting of children) they should still focus their pleasure and
love towards God, and not on themselves. God namely demands of us to
not forget about Him during the procreative act. People usually tend
to forget about God when they put too much attention on themselves,
their spouse, or the pleasure derived from different acts. We can
read about this truth in the book of Tobias:
“For
they who in such manner receive matrimony, AS
TO SHUT OUT GOD FROM THEMSELVES, AND FROM THEIR MIND,
and to give
themselves to their lust,
as the horse and mule, which have not understanding, over
them the devil hath power.”
(Tobias 6:17)
Notice
the words “from their mind”. All our thoughts and desires
exist in the mind (or heart), and God wishes us to have Him there.
The best thing then, and which God demands of you, is that you think
about Him and love Him during all times, even during the procreative
act, and husbands and wives should not be ashamed of doing so. Is not
God better or more worthy of being desired or
lusted after than
a husband or wife will ever be? The more a person loves God, the more
will also that person desire to be close to God, during all times.
One of the greatest
mistakes many couples undoubtedly commit today is that they strive to
know and be close with their loved ones and their spouse rather than
with God (who knows everything and sees everything), and that they
rather think of pleasing their loved ones and their spouse more than
pleasing God (who created them and redeemed them, yes even died for
them). This is also the reason for why so many of them commit
shameful sexual sins of various sorts; for they know not God nor care
to please Him.
Tobias 8:4-5 “Then
Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her: Sara, arise, and
let us pray to God today, and tomorrow, and the next day:
because for these three nights we are joined to God: and when the
third night is over, we will be in our own wedlock. For we are the
children of saints, and we must not be joined together like heathens
that know not God.”
The
word of God in the Holy Bible teaches spouses to practice chastity
for three days while praying to God to beget offspring for the glory
of His Holy Name before consummating the marriage by the marital act
The
word of God and Holy Scripture further teaches that one should not
consummate the marriage immediately after one has been married, but
that one should wait for three days while praying earnestly to God to
bless their marriage, “because for these three nights we are
joined to God: and when the third night is over, we will be in our
own wedlock.” (Tobias
8:4) The Holy Archangel Raphael, acting as God’s
messenger, instructs husbands and wives to always wait three days in
prayer before consummating the marriage.“But thou when thou
shalt take her, go into the chamber, and for three days keep thyself
continent from her, and give thyself to nothing else but to prayers
with her.” (Tobias 6:18)
These
words shows us that spouses must remember their bond with the Lord
first and foremost and that the fleshly or physical part of the
marriage must always come secondhand. By this highly virtuous act of
abstaining from marital relations for three days, the devil’s
power over married couples is undoubtedly thwarted and diminished.
Holy Scripture thus advices spouses to be “joined to God”
for three days in prayer before performing the marital act. Not only
that, but spouses should always fervently pray to God before every
marital act and ask Him to protect them from falling into sin, and
also after the marital act in order to ask Our Lord to forgive them
if they committed any sin during the act. This is the safe road of
the fear of God that every righteous man or woman should follow if
they wish to enter Heaven.
Tobias 6:18, 20-22
“[St. Raphael said to Tobias:] But thou when thou shalt take
her, go into the chamber, and for three days keep thyself continent
from her, and give thyself to nothing else but to prayers with her.…
But the second night thou shalt be admitted into the society of the
holy Patriarchs. And the third night thou shalt obtain a blessing
that sound children may be born of you. And when the third night is
past, thou shalt take the virgin with the fear of the Lord, moved
rather for love of children than for lust, that in the seed of
Abraham thou mayst obtain a blessing in children.”
